Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Rain Song

It’s not that I hated rains before.  I just love how it sounds right now outside.  Some rains carry with them unexplainable gloom for me.  But, with this one, I get this pleasant warm numbness inside….  With just a mild pouring, slightly kissing the ground as it dampens the city.  I wonder how many couples could be sharing a single umbrella right now.  Some could be under a shed, warming up as they’d hold hands.  Or a few would be playfully running around under the mizzle.  I could blindly see another few sharing some sweet post-Valentine’s Day moments, while some, alone, away from those they long for, wishing to just be one with the rain.

Memories are more vivid on rains like this.  And so are the pangs of healed wounds.  Coffee and poetry makes the best company as I enjoy the surprisingly warm chill.  And then I close my eyes and see you…and I’m with you again. Which part of missing you is the hardest?  Is it when I think of you every time and realize that that’s all I could do for now?  Or is it when I sit here curled up with my favorite blanket yet still cold coz I’m aching for your warmth.  That is just one funny sad thing about loving.  You really never stop missing the one you love.  I miss you when you’re not here…and miss you more, painfully, when you’re near.

As the rain gets a bit angrier, I sit still.  Swimming through my deeper self; hoping to feel you more.  I remember you saying the perfect words that saved me.  You brought me back to my feet and helped me walked still.  From you, I realized that pain is inevitable in love and it can make you a better person, if you let yourself be.  You did…but, I can’t be certain with me.  And then I fell for you.  And when I did, I surrendered myself to that familiar tang of pain, allowing it to capture me when it can.  But it sure is the sweetest sting because loving you this much is all I can own for now.

And as the rain softly nears its end, I lie down.  For the last time, I see your face, so serene and gentle.  I love you.  That’s all it takes and I gave in to the somber moment.  Little by little, from afar, you tucked me as you sing me my lullaby and kissed the edge of my eye where a tear just passed by.  I love you…. I thought I heard you whisper and I smiled.  And for a moment, I became one with the rain.

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