Saturday, December 11, 2010

Echoing Whale Sounds From That Night

    The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.  True enough, I believe.  When was the last time you actually hear yourself say, “these are my friends….” and not just see them as good company for sheer fun.  I remember saying those words a lot.  I only have a few, of whom some might not even count me the same.  They were the bunch who were there with me when I started to understand my whole ABCs.  The experiences shared with them, no matter how insignificant, molded my trail.   A trail that was less than seamless yet the kind of path I’d take in a heartbeat over and over again.

     On a one cool December evening, listening to some of them crazily making whale sounds while half submerged on the waters and as I rolled on the camera, I could not resist thanking myself for not being somewhere else.  And in a fuzzy, I found myself travelling through time and saw their faces aging backwards to a time when I first saw us together in a room; all curious, hopeful, optimistic…all in a dying period when friendship still starts at hellos, eye contacts, handshakes and smiles.

     Year 1996.

     The year Kofi Annan was elected as Secretary-General of the United Nations and the year Java was released.  Spice Girls, BSB, Alanis Morisette…anyone?

     I really thought Maribel was a ‘He’.  What with that short boyish trim and her donning some jeans on the Pre-First Day General Assembly.   Then there was Ivy. The A1-looking stud who I’ve seen a couple of times during Division Meets and some forgettable inter-school contests.  Except for Maribel and Ivy and with my eyesight beginning to weaken that time, I could not figure out who else I’m going to spend the next four years with, except the familiar ones I knew from Primary School.

     Alas…there goes the single-lined train of students walking from the Division Office to “Compre”.  Can’t get any grander “Entrance” than that!  And a laboratory for a classroom?  Hmmm, sweet!  All those funny puns from our infamous First Day can still crack us up, after being retold of over and over again.

     I still can’t believe I mistook Ramil of having a crush on Jemar on the First day.  I also thought Sanny and Michelle, who I caught holding hands at times, were an item.  But who could ever beat the loveteam of the Century? Hear that, Maribel and Jhunrey? No one dared challenge you!  But, what if Cristine and Taboy made it longer?  What if one of the guys seriously stood straight up for Ivy?  What if Sheila, Chechay and Ephrem chose to stay?  What if Manny didn’t unbind from us? Would he be somewhere else instead?  What if we all gave up halfway through High School and went on to others for the better?  Are we still the first people you want to hang out with?  All these questions may be left unanswered forever.  We had led a not-so-perfect-coming-of-age yet each single moment spent with each other was a tidbit discovery of oneself.  You may never have felt it but I learned a lot from each of one of you which I took with me in my backpack on my way to more self discoveries.

     I left High School with no full closure with you guys.  I know I was never over it that time, but I had nowhere to go but forward, to where all of you were going as well.  The fear of not bumping into you again kept my feet glued from going further sometimes.  Yet that glint of hope that somewhere, somehow, a bend in the road will have me cross paths with you.

     And we did! Not only did we cross paths, we found our own detours and made our way towards the horizon together.  Bumps and humps were along the way, which made the ride and walks more unforgettable.  We never gave up our differences and at most times, we agree to disagree.  It is in our disagreements that we see how much we can endure and compromise for this thing we call “friendship”.

     Funny how you had remained the same over the years.  When together, from young adults, we immediately turn back into our very own caricatures, for all we care.  Because without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend...and that, among other reasons, make us grow fonder.  So, thank you.  Thank you for the friendship, for the companionship, for the camaraderie.  You made the story of my life. In a lot of ways, you have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges, and enabled me to walk, serene and happy, in the shadow casted by what I do not have.

Friday, December 10, 2010


credits to OWNER of the Image




Where have thee gone?

I have searched for years

The pens are waiting

So I may write again

I once knew you so well

You often come before I seek

Yet now a stranger

Whom I earnestly beseech

Come back to me

Once more, we play

For the hearts and minds have stories

Only thee can say....


Written on a Sunny June of 2007 when I felt the sudden rush to write again, after years of drought.

VERSES I: In Solitude

In Solitude


Keep it pouring, do not stop
Cold tears from heaven
I have yearned so much
Let me miss the sun rays
For a day or two
Let me have my winter
And frosted summer dews
Perhaps the soul inside me
Aches for a deep slumber
So solstices may come
To drive me awake
Sleep now, close thine eyes
For eternity is but short
And this world can never be mine

This short poem was written sometime in 2004
while sitting in one of the cold, open Drafting Rooms of  USCTC.


It's been the nth night that I can't get my eyes off the nightsky. Well, I've been known to be such a lover to that velvety marvel...but, for the past few nights, I got myself glued to that specific portion of the sky...sometime just a little after twilight and just before complete darkness envelopes our midst...a glittering speck, even against a moonlit, darkly canvass. Ok...ok. Sorry for the lyrical detour. My bad.

I am looking at Venus now. Yes. That luminary in the sky that we sometimes mistook as just another star light years away. Can you just take a little peek through your windows? See if you see her too. If you do, then we are both looking at exactly the same fixation right now.

Wiki says that Venus (pronounced as /ˈviːnəs/ ) is the second-closest planet to the Sun, orbiting it every 224.7 Earth days. The planet is named after Venus, the Roman goddess of love. It is the brightest natural object in the night sky, except for the Moon, reaching an apparent magnitude of −4.6. Because Venus is an inferior planet from Earth, it never appears to venture far from the Sun: its elongation reaches a maximum of 47.8°. Venus reaches its maximum brightness shortly before sunrise or shortly after sunset, for which reason it is often called the Morning Star or the Evening Star.

Classified as a terrestrial planet, it is sometimes called Earth's "sister planet," because they are similar in size, gravity, and bulk composition. Venus is covered with an opaque layer of highly reflective clouds of sulfuric acid, preventing its surface from being seen from space in visible light; this was a subject of great speculation until some of its secrets were revealed by planetary science in the twentieth century. Venus has the densest atmosphere of all the terrestrial planets, consisting mostly of carbon dioxide, as it has no carbon cycle to lock carbon back into rocks and surface features, nor organic life to absorb it in biomass. It has become so hot that the earth-like oceans that the young Venus is believed to have possessed have totally evaporated, leaving a dusty dry desert-scape with many slab-like rocks. The best hypothesis is that the evaporated water has dissociated, and with the lack of a planetary magnetic field, the hydrogen has been swept into interplanetary space by the solar wind. The atmospheric pressure at the planet's surface is 92 times that of the Earth.

Sorry for that brief throw-back to high school. It's just that sometimes, the most trivial of things is actually a product of woven complications that our human mind could not fathom, or choose not to. Sometimes, we look at happiness at something so far-fetched that we ought to travel miles and wait in time for it to come or for us to get there. Looking at Venus, I can't help but be awed. With all it's dazzle, I forgot that it's nothing but a flaming land of volcanoes and fatal gases. And I look at myself, the familiar faces on my desktop, and hear the laughs of my little sister from the background...and it hit me. Why fuss much on a beauty I can never touch. In my lifetime, though the thought of heavenly bodies and the truth hounding the universe can be astounding to spark off the scientist in me, I am not sufficiently advance to understand the magnitude of the unknown. Why spend a whole existence reaching for the beyond and remotest of strangers, while I can dig more bits of truths in myself....little by little everyday. It's okay, I can sleep well, knowing I may never be able to reach Venus, or the moon, or the stars...but I will never let my last sundown set without finding that inner Venus in me.


Credits to Owner of this Image

      This is ethereal. To blog for the very first time in an era when people start to wonder how it feels to hold a pen, seems strange for me. I could recall my first few attempts on blogging years back and as I try to take on my first few keyboard taps, oddly, words became aliens in just a snap. So, for years I just stayed inside my fence scribbling on old notebooks and just go as far as the sidewalks writing my mind away hoping to warm up the north pole and reach the farthest of the unknown. It's only just recently that I realized I was not writing to anyone at all. After all the shots at connecting to anyone from anywhere, oblivious to my own intent, I realized I was only talking to the strangest of all strangers, MYSELF.

      You love it when the mirror lets you see exactly what you want to see. And by knowing that, you can only look away when it says otherwise. You can be your own worst enemy and your own harshest skeptic. Unless you listen even to its faintest of whispers, you will only go so far in knowing who you really are. With writing, I found myself, again and again. Find yourself. Talk to each other in a language that you both speak. Sing to her of sonatas she can chant with. Swim with him across the depths and colds of the Atlantic and back. Play Backgammons with her on rainy days. Wrestle with each other until you both win. Yes, you both have to win, no matter the improbability. And when so, you never have to worry a second in your life. The oneness of you spans a lifetime. You want happiness? Seek your passion. Find yourself. Follow no route. For Happiness is not a Destination. It is a Journey. Your Journey.