Raison d'être

Raison d'être

As I peek through the pitch black nightsky, I was wondering for how long I can go stare at its vastness ‘til I can see those stars again.  It took just a few blinks and there they were, little by little, fading in before me.  They always seem to hide when you start looking for them.  I tried counting them again ‘til I begged to give up.  This is what I hate in myself sometimes…when I try to just count what could be beyond me.

          And then, as naturally as it gets, you swam through my thoughts again…wondering what you are doing.  Some days become really worse.  It’s when I would miss you with such great passion that I would rather disappear into nothing.  I could barely remember what I had before you.  And as those tiny specks of light continue to prance; guiltily, I stopped fighting to count the reasons why…I love you.

I love you.  You bet, I do.

I love you…because…you are you, the best mechanic in town. Yes, you are imperfect in so many ways, the way you’d rather put it, but I know better.  A great son, uncle, neighbor, friend, husband and a genuine Christian, yes, that’s what you are.  Just knowing you makes me a lot prouder.  You are so great with kids…makes me want have millions with you.  You are good at donning a messy hair…and still be looking cute with it.  You, indeed, are a man of few ‘smiles’, but when you do, make the butterflies inside me sashay endlessly.  I love that you are patient and impatient at the same time, proving myself further how loving can make a person crazy-happy. I love how you practically make me, a girl with everlasting imaginations, frozen when you think aloud.  I love how you make me want to go on writing, even if words had become scarce.  I love it when you slept in front of me one time that I just stared at you for hours and listened to your slow breathing as you dreamed away.  You even snored and it made my day!  I love how you are so gentle with “Lucky”.  Sometimes, I would rather want to trade places with her and have you play with me, instead. 

I love the way you care for the people you love…makes me want to take care of you for the rest of my life.  I love the mere sound of your voice, even in silence.  I could listen to it every single second of my waking days.  You remember that time when you tried to write me after a long day?  You told me of how you kept on sleeping on the keyboards and have to delete and correct all the mistyped words, to my amusement.  It made me laugh the whole day through…even a little bit more the next day.  The day before that, I had the gloomiest hours, so I could never thank you enough for that. 

I love how you were…your past; with joys and pains, make you more beautiful.  Your wounds, so delicate, I would love to kiss, everyday.  I love who you have become, though you may have just stayed the same.  You make me love you more and more…and more and some more.  I love how you make me seem to have known you longer and frown at the fact that life has to end somewhere in time.  I love how you made my past linger no more and make me long for moments, even difficult ones, as long as they’re with you.  I love how you make the rains warm me up and make all gardens seem to be in full bloom all the time.  I love how you make all sounds seem to become love songs all too suddenly.  I love the way you believe in me, respect me, care for me and just never leave me, inspite of the distance and time.  When I am at extremes, you have your way of becoming my gravity, pulling me back to my earth.  When in doubt, you just kiss all the clouds away.  I love how you are always gentle with me and keep forgiving my complexities.

I love you, I love you and I love you…and for a trillion and more reasons.  Our lifetime is never enough for me to say them all.  And if I do, I am sure, there will be more to discover. I love you because…

…you make the best lasagna

…you draw the funniest cartoons on the walls

…you are the best amateur landscape photographer I know

…you are cutest when you are sleepy

…you are my best human self-help book

…you continue to be my No. 1 fan, if not the only one

…you push and pull me when I needed to be

…you give me the best XOXOs

…you are my best friend

…you read everything I write and love them no matter how corny they can get

…you eat all the cheesy stuffs I make

…you are the kindest and sweetest gentleman I have ever bumped into

…you are my REAL-LIFE Noah Calhoun

…you are my REAL Knight-in-Shining-Armor

…you are gonna give us own Russels and Boos one day

…you made me believe in ‘that kind of love’ that I thought was a long shot

…you are my Man and my Baby in One

…you are my Mountain Guy

…you love your Island Girl

…you are MINE

…you are God-sent in every single way

…I just love you

…and I will always do.

Loving you alone makes another trillion and one reasons to keep on living and to thank God for life.  It makes the whole vastness of science, space and the limitations that their laws command become utterly insignificant.

Again, I love you…and will never tire of falling in love with you over and over again….