For the last couple of hours, I was just trying too hard beating all of my highest scores in Bejeweled, hoping that somehow, I’ll tire my eyes to sleep or at least stop some tears from falling. To my dismay, nothing worked and each breathe I slowly took, would just make my innermost cells twinge knowing I can’t be without you. Yes, I became one with you…a long time ago…those eight months were like eons for us.
Somehow, just as when daydreaming gets the better of me, I can hear some symphony of bangs and clangs in the background. There you are, working so hard to rebuild that dream you thought you lost. Oh well, it will never be lost, especially not by someone so loved as you.
I can never thank your mom and dad for letting you exist. Exist in a time when I can still possibly find you. I always knew that there will come a day when June becomes more than just my month. More than anything, it’s your month. June 22---the day the man whom God has destined me for was brought to this world. Seemingly insignificant? It will never be, for me. In fact, it may become the most special one now and for all the days to come.
You remember those reasons why I loved you? Every single day from that moment I counted the WHY’s, I slowly came to realize how selfish I was to see only those. Who am I not to see them, above all, feel them from you? And then I asked myself…will I still love you if you become not a single one of those? Will I still stay even when love itself seems to not be there anymore?
Having known you, from a stranger to becoming my other half, I have learned so much. I have learned not to just love what is only lovable but also those that embattle. Loving you deepened my understanding on what real commitment is. That True Love is loving and beyond. Loving around how God would like His people to love each other---unconditional. No. There is no such thing as Conditional or Unconditional Love…for LOVE itself is an UNCONDITIONAL value that transcends whatever earthly and human circumstance. It is not on how we ‘fall in love’ that we can see its being unconditional and measure its depth. We can fall into loving in so many ways. It is with how tightly we hold on to the promise of not letting go amid all the pushes and pulls of uncertainties that we can show True Love. It is Love when you simply STAY when all the reasons not to is in front of you. With you, I realized that there is no depth deep enough if you just let yourself swim beneath your own trenches of emotions and no simple gestures too shallow for a heart that sincerely gives in to love and to the person she found that love in. I can still feel fear but you made them inevitable but bearable.
I love you Dustin.
Sometimes, it’s enough to just know that I do.
On your day, I pour some of my pixie dusts on you. These are special dusts though…ones which give you a lifetime of happy thoughts. You are a beautiful soul and an amazing man. Your character makes you shine for me…inspiring me to become a lot better person. You are lucky to have an amazing family whom you’ve adored but keeping them close to you for years is not just by sheer luck. It takes a REAL man to make them happen. It took someone like you to make me whole again. Now it’s my time to give all that I have to care for you.
I love you Dustin…
It feels so good saying that over and over again.
Happy Birthday to you my Baby. I’ll be holding you tight now…if only I could.
